Homeward Bow
by katherineguyana
Summary: Ruby Balloon's life gets turned around when she agrees to help a lost Bonneter named Bowlina get back home.
1. Chapter 1: It Came From Bonneton

Ruby was cleaning her house one day, when she discovered a bow behind her clothes dresser. She looked at it for a moment, trying to remember if she'd purchased a bow of this shape and size.

Suddenly, it grew eyes.

"GAH!" she shouted, throwing the bow to the ground.

The bow floated up, and in a flash of light, it became a ghost-like creature with the bow as its face. "Where am I?!" it started panicking, its voice feminine. "How did I get here?"

"I-I don't know, I'm just as confused as you!" Ruby was now cowering away from what was in front of her. "Have you been my bow this whole time?!"

"I'm not sure; maybe?" She looked around. "How long have I been gone? My [] friend must be worried sick!"

Ruby did a double take. "I'm sorry, what'd you just say?"

"My [] friend must be worried sick!" When she spoke the '[]', she seemed to be saying a symbol of some kind.

" '[] friend'? How do you even pronounce that?"

"I-I'm not sure, actually..." the bow admitted. "Look, in-jokes aside, I'm gonna need some help if I want to get home. Could you please help me?"

"O-okay," Ruby hesitantly said, "as long as you don't try to, like, take over my brain or something."

"Deal!" Ruby then shook her…. Nub-like appendage. She then flew upwards, turned back into a bow, and landed on Ruby's head. "Now all we need to do is get directions to the Cap Kingdom! To the nearest brochure stand!"

Ruby wasn't sure what to make of this.

—

"Alright, let's see here..." The bow picked up a brochure (makes you wonder why she turned into a bow if she was just gonna turn back a few minutes later) and looked through it. "Okay, so I'm in the Equine Kingdom, specifically Ponyville." She paused. "...aaand I have no idea where this place is in relation to the Cap Kingdom, so we're still stuck."

She began looking through the other brochures. "Maybe there's another brochure here, of someone around here might know, or..."

Ruby looked at the stand, where a globe was sitting. She then scanned it and asked, "Is that hat-shaped island the Cap Kingdom?"

The bow jumped. "There's a globe here? I didn't even see it!"

Ruby rolled her eyes.

She then started looking. "So, there's the Cap Kingdom, and we are..."

"Here!" Ruby pointed to a point about a third of the way around the globe, to the west.

"That doesn't seem too far away! But we'll still need a vehicle to use... Are there any large, metallic, hat-shaped structures nearby?"

The brochure salesman interjected, "You know, I've heard rumors that there's an odd hat-shaped airship somewhere in the sewers!"

"Why, thank you, kind sir!"

"How convenient..."

"Let's go!"

Ruby used her magic to pick up and move the nearest sewer grate. They then went down, while, unbeknownst to them, a police officer watched them, content in her eyes.

—

As they walked, Ruby decided to break the silence. "So... Tell me about yourself."

"Well, okay! My name is Bowlina, and I'm a Bonneter." she said as she put the brochure into her bowstrap.

"A what?"

"A Bonneter. That's the name of my species."

"There's more of you?!"

"Well, it wouldn't be much of a 'kingdom' with just me. And we're all different kinds of hats, too. There's me, then my friend Cappy, who's a white top-hat with a tuft of blue hair. He also has a sister named Tiara. I'll give you three guesses as to what kind of hat she is."

Ruby giggled at the joke.

"There's also Derby, an old Derby Hat; Capper, a baseball cap who loves music, oddly enough; and Queen Bonnie, a bonnet with a brim of steel, but a lining of gold - literally. I even have a brother, Pan!" She then hesitated. "...and then there were my parents, Homburg and Sunny."

"Wait, 'were'? What -" Ruby then saw that Bowlina was starting to cry. "Oh... I'm so sorry..."

—

After a few minutes of silent walking, Ruby noticed a light ahead of them, coming out of a crack in the wall. "What's that?"

They approached it, and used a nearby rock to knock it down. They were then awestruck by what they saw. "There it is!"

It was a run down top hat shaped airship, with the light coming from the single headlight.

Bowlina noticed the inscription on the side of the brim. "It appears to be called 'Homeward Bow'."

" 'Homeward Bow'? That's gotta be the dumbest pun I've ever heard!"

"I'll admit, it's pretty lame, and rather 'on the nose'."

"I'll say! You'd have to be pretty dense to use that as a name for anything!"

They then stared off in a direction that made the joke work in the graphic version of the story.

After a moment, they walked to the ship and started inspecting it.

"So, how do we power this thing?"

"I'm pretty sure we need to find some Power Moons."

"Okay, what do they look like?"

"Well, they're football-sized crescent moons with eyes, and their color varies by region."

Ruby looked off in one direction. "You mean like that?"

Bowlina looked where Ruby was looking, and was amazed at what she saw. There, floating in front of them, were three Power Moons stuck together at the tip, like a bunch of bananas. "Wow! That's a Multi-Moon! It has the power of three Moons combined!"

"Yeah, I kinda figured..."

Ruby reached out to grab it. The moment she touched it, her and Bowlina lost control as they did a victory dance, then leapt up as floating text congratulated them.

Ruby then regained control and dropped to the ground. "What the heck was that?! All I did was touch it!"

"You'll get used to it…"

They walked back to the ship. "Now, just stand on the front deck and present the Moons to the ship."

"Like this?" She held the Multi-Moon up in front of the ship. They then started floating, broke apart, and flew into an orb on the top of the ship. In a flash of light, the ship had repaired itself, looking much fancier, and with a mast poking up through the ground above them.

"Ooooh!"

Bowlina then turned into her bow form and dropped onto Ruby's hoof. "Finally, throw me onto the globe, and we'll be off!"

"Like this?" She threw Bowlina at the globe, and she attached with a 'p-twang!'.

"Yep! Let's go!"

The engines started up, smoke came out of the exhaust pipes in the back, and the ship started to rise, breaking the ceiling and opening it to the sky. "Now, it should be smooth sailing, as long as nothing -"

"Stop right there!" a voice interrupted them.

"- interrupts us..."

Ruby looked to the source of the voice, the cop that saw them earlier, and gasped.

"You're in direct violation of Ordinance 743: 'No civilian may enter a sewer without proper paperwork'. I'm going to have to bring you in for some questioning."

Ruby turned to Bowlina. "Bowlina, stop the ship!"

"I-I can't!"

"What?! Why not?"

"As soon as this thing starts, it won't stop until it reaches its destination! It was a feature created during the Hatt War, in case enemy forces stole a hat ship!"

"I said stop!" The cop began walking towards them.

"Can't you re-set the destination to right here?"

"It doesn't work that way!"

"What kind of backwards design is that!?"

"That's it! I'm using force!" The cop then grabbed Ruby, who was panicking.

"Hey! We're trying to -" Ruby tried to wriggle out.

"STOP!" she screamed as she threw her hoof at the cop, accidentally punching her in the face and breaking her glasses.

"Oh sweet Celestia…"

The cop looked up, her eye bloody from shrapnel cutting around it. The ship then broke free of the ground. The cop tried to grab them, but they had already risen higher than she could reach. Ruby watched as she pulled out a radio and said, "Officer Sargent to Base. I'm going to need backup."

And with that, the ship zoomed into the sky.

—

A few minutes later…

The ship was now about 30 miles south of Ponyville. Bowlina was checking on the ship's progress.

She entered the main room. "Alright, the ship doesn't have enough fuel to make it directly to the Cap Kingdom, so I've set a course for Bubblaine to refuel."

She saw Ruby on a couch, staring at the ceiling with a blank expression on her face. "You okay?"

"I punched a cop…" Ruby muttered distantly.

Bowlina, imitating a psychiatrist, said, "Okay… and how does that make you feel?"

Ruby looked at Bowlina with ire in her eyes.

"Sorry — I'm not helping, am I?"

"Bowlina, this is serious! Do you know what the penalty for assault on a cop is? Three years prison!" Ruby grabbed Bowlina by her cheeks. "I can't go to prison! I won't survive!"

Bowlina wrestled her way out of Ruby's grasp. "Relax, will ya? As long as that cop isn't part of the IPF, you'll be out of her jurisdiction as soon as we cross the border! And even if she is, she doesn't know where we're going!"

"Well, neither do we, really..."

"Well then, she's definitely not gonna be able to track us!"

Ruby faltered for a moment. "But now I can never go home!"

"Well... Maybe you could stay with me?"

"Hmm... I don't know... I'll think about it..."

"Okay…" Bowlina looked out the window. "Well, in the meantime, check out this view!"

She opened the door, and they both went outside. "Woah!"

The view was spectacular. The mountains glistening in the morning sunlight, the forest swaying in the light breeze; it reminded Ruby of some kind of a title card.


	2. Chapter 2: This Blows

An hour later...

Bowlina shivered, "Is it just me, or is it getting colder?"

They walked to the window, where they could see white crystals of frozen water falling from the atmosphere. "It's snowing?" Ruby simplified.

"That doesn't make any sense! The Seaside Kingdom is right on the equator; they've never gotten snow before!"

"Something must definitely be wrong, then!"

The ship hovered over a spot near what looked like a gasoline pump, and touched down. Ruby and Bowlina stepped outside, slightly shivering, and Ruby was surprised to see that there was a large quantity of escargot wearing clothes and going around the buildings.

"Why are there so many snails here?" Ruby asked.

"They're the residents of this kingdom!"

"A bunch of giant snails? That's really bizarre!"

"...said the magical talking pony."

"Touché..."

They stepped off the deck, where they were greeted by one of the snails.

"w-w-Welcome t-t-to the Seaside k-k-Kingdom!" she said, clearly not used to the cold, "w-w-Will you be staying long?"

Bowlina said, "Actually, we're just here to refuel our ship on Power Moons, and then we'll be off."

"Oh, I'm s-sorry, but all of our fuel lines have f-f-frozen over! We never expected to get s-snow before, so they w-weren't made with cold in mind!"

Ruby groaned, "Oh, that is just — You know, that actually makes sense. Nice job writing that!"

"Who are you talking to?" Bowlina asked, suddenly on the opposite side of Ruby.

"I don't know; how did you switch sides?"

"Touché..."

They then decided to split up and ask around for information as to why the place was freezing.

Ruby walked by one of the snails, who held out a fancy goblet. "t-t-Try some of our s-s-sparkling water!"

Ruby took the glass in her aura, looked in it, then turned it upside down. A solid chunk of ice in the shape of the cup fell out and onto the snow. Ruby gave the goblet back, numbly saying, "I'm not very thirsty right now..."

Meanwhile, Bowlina was looking around for anyone who could tell her what was going on.

"I told you!" she overheard a couple arguing. The guy, who was wearing a coat, said to (presumably) his wife, "And you kept saying that investing all that money into a coat factory was a bad move!"

"But once that Ty-foo leaves and the weather clears up, then what?"

"That's assuming it will ever leave at ALL!"

Bowlina approached them. "What are you two talking about?"

"Well, I'm trying to convince Deborah here that buying all these coats was a good idea!"

"And I'm telling Barry here that it won't be good in the long run!"

Bowlina specified, "No, I mean what you said about the Ty-something."

"You mean the Ty-Foo?" Barry pointed to a giant goblet in the distance, which had a cloud-like creature atop it. "Well, it showed up on the Glass two weeks ago, and it's been lowering the temperature rapidly."

"Okay, thank you for the information."

Bowlina then rejoined Ruby, who asked, "Well, did you learn anything?"

"There's something called a 'Ty-Foo' that's making it really cold."

"And we can't leave until the pipes thaw..." She trailed off in thought.

"So let's fix this problem!" Bowlina blurted out.

"How are we supposed to do that? Unless you're suggesting —" Ruby gasped, "No! We're not going to face that cloud thing! We'd be no match for it!"

"We would be, if I wasn't here!"

"What do you mean?"

"I have a special ability!"

Ruby wanted to question it, but shrugged it off. "Well, how do we use it?"

"You just throw me at something."

"Like what?"

Bowlina looked around, spotting a balloon next to the refueling station. "How 'bout that balloon?"

"Why the balloon?"

"It's the first thing I saw."

"Alright…"

Ruby did what Bowlina said, and threw her at the balloon. She stuck to it with an odd sound, and Ruby realized she was being pulled towards it. Her hooves left the ground, and she dematerialized as her soul entered the balloon.

It is immensely difficult to describe what she experienced next, but I'll try my best:

She felt like she was moving through a liquid, and everything around her seemed to be tinted red. Visions of a rubber factory and a balloon-making company flashed before her eyes as she tried to scream.

When she next opened her eyes, she was back in reality, but something was different. Everything was tinted red, and she could no longer feel any of her limbs. She looked at her reflection on the refueling station beside her, and screamed, "What the — I'm the balloon now?!"

"Yep!" Bowlina replied from the back of her head.

"But how?"

"When you threw me onto the balloon, I temporarily dissolved your body, and moved your soul into the balloon, giving you control of it! I can do that with almost anything that doesn't have a hat, as long as it isn't too big!"

Ruby, again, shrugged it off. "Well, at least it wasn't alive. If you were able to take over something that was living, that would be really disturbing!"

"Ermm..." Bowlina's tone told Ruby otherwise.

"WHAT!?"

"Let's just focus on the Ty-Foo for now, okay?"

"Okay, but we're going to talk about this later!" She said, still shocked.

Ruby inhaled, drawing air in through her knot. She untied her string, allowing her to float upwards. She then turned onto her side and started to blow out, propelling her towards the giant goblet.

"Woah! This is actually kinda fun! I've always wanted to be a balloon!"

"Really? That's a weird desire…"

"I mean, it's not NEARLY as weird as some of my friends' desires!"

"What are they?"

Ruby then mumbled something to Bowlina.

"Oh, GOD, that's weird!"

" 'God'? What's that?"

"You don't have a god? A God is, like, a mythical and all-powerful being that's usually tied to religion."

"Oh, we have something like that! Well, except Celestia and Luna actually exist."

"Who're Celestia and Luna?"

"They're powerful alicorns that control the sun and moon."

"Well, I guess that explains why time sometimes freezes for no apparent reason!"

They both laughed.

"Wait, what were we doing?"

Her thought was answered when she smacked head-first into a solid white creature, the shock knocking them both out of the balloon. Ruby was returned to her normal form as they both landed on the ice that was covering the goblet. Ruby looked up and was face-to-face with the Ty-Foo.

"Ah, right."

Bowlina leapt to her hooves and quipped, "Let's put this Ty-Foo on ice!"

"Nice one!"

"Thank you, I just came up with it!"

Then surprisingly, the Ty-Foo said, "Go away! Can't you see that I'm busy?"

"Wait, that thing can talk?" Ruby asked.

Bowlina gestured to Ruby.

"Oh, right."

Ruby cleared her throat. "Excuse me, Ty-Foo? Why are you doing this?"

"I'm a Ty-Foo; my entire purpose is to blow!" The Ty-Foo then realized what it'd said. "d-Don't take that out of context…"

"But you're freezing the snails' homes!"

"Ruby, what're you doing?"

"The thing us ponies do best: Friendship!" She turned back to the Ty-Foo. "You seem out of place; how did you get here?"

"I was in a blowing contest, and the other competitor blew me halfway across the Equine Kingdom. Some ponies then found me, and pushed me down here."

"Wow… We really have a habit of throwing our problems out for someone else to deal with, don't we?"

"From what I've seen, yes you do."

"Alright, you don't have to be so blunt about it!"

Bowlina then decided to go along with Ruby. "Is there any way we could help you get back home?"

"Not unless you have an airship that can fly me two hundred miles north."

"But we don't have enough fuel to do that!"

"Well, what are we supposed to do?" She started to think, then saw the Ty-Foo blowing. "I've got it!"

A few minutes later, she'd captured another balloon, and was preparing to blow the Ty-Foo in the direction of the cliffs to the north.

"Three, two, one, GO!" she exhaled, blowing the Ty-Foo into a cave near the summit.

"Oh! You put the Ty-Foo into the cave so the cold air stays contained! Nice plan!"

"Actually, I was aiming to blow him above the cliff, but that works, too."

—

Three hours later, Ruby said, "Well, it took three hours, but the ice finally melted! Now we can get fuel!"

The snail who'd first greeted them said, "Alright, there's a limit of ten moons per tourist, but we could give you fifteen, as thanks for saving us."

"Why so few?" Ruby asked.

"It takes a while to drill for moons, and ever since two tourists came last month, we've been depleted of a large amount of them."

"Well, isn't that just -"

"Fifteen moons will be fine," Bowlina interrupted Ruby.

Ruby pulled Bowlina to the side. "Fifteen moons certainly won't take us to the Cap Kingdom!"

"But it will get us to the Luncheon Kingdom, where we can get more! And besides, we can't ask for more than they're willing to give!"

"But we just saved this place from freezing over!"

"Just because we did that doesn't give us leeway to demand whatever we want! They're willing to give us five extra moons, and that's plenty!"

"I guess… I mean, the Mane 6 are constantly saving the day, and they don't ask for anything special…"

"Did someone mention my friends?" another voice chimed in from behind Ruby.

"Is that -?" Ruby turned to see her friend Fluttershy approach from behind. "Fluttershy! What're you doing here?!"

"Hi, Ruby! I'm actually on a trip to visit the Breezies!"

"Okay… Where are the Breezies?"

"They're still hiding from the cold. I was just about to tell them it's safe to come out. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I'm helping Bowlina here get home!"

"Well, that's really kind of you!" Fluttershy looked at Ruby's neck. "Wait, where's your necklace?"

Ruby felt her neck; indeed, it was gone. "It's gone? That blasted cop must've taken it in the scuffle!"

"Cop?! What happened?"

"We were leaving in our ship, when a cop tried to stop us. We tried stopping, but couldn't. She grabbed me, and I panicked, accidentally punching the cop on her glasses!"

"Oh my!" Fluttershy nearly fainted, but calmed herself and asked, "What did the cop look like?"

"She was a purple Earth Pony with orange hair."

"And I think I overheard her say her name as she radioed in for back up. I believe it was Officer Sergeant."

"OFFICER SERGEANT!?" Fluttershy screamed.

"You know of her?"

"She's one of the toughest ponies on the IPF!"

"She's on the IPF?! Uh oh!"

"I knew we'd jinx ourselves by saying it!" Bowlina scolded herself.

"If she's really after you guys, then you'd better get out of here!"

"Way ahead of you!"

"Bowlina, wait up!"

"Good luck out there!" Fluttershy waved to them.

They were about to board the ship, when Bowlina turned and said, "Just a second!" She got the attention of the snail. "You mentioned two tourists who came here last month and depleted your supply. Did they mention where they came from or where they were going?"

"I remember them talking about Mount Volbono."

"Okay, now we know where not to go!"

Bowlina then rejoined Ruby, who said, "Oh! Now I get why I have to throw you onto the globe!"

"Pretty neat, huh? Let's go!"

Ruby started the ship, then went inside and waited for Bowlina to finish checking brochures and charting a course.

"Alright, so where are we gonna land?"

"Well, the snail said the two tourists who'd lowered this place's moon supply had gone to Mount Volbono, so that was off the table. I then checked some brochures, and found that Flamburg is the second-most populated city in the Luncheon Kingdom, so that's where we'll go."

"Alright! What's there?"

"I'll tell you, right after we review some basic skills!"

"Oh?"

—

"...and that's what happened." Officer Sergeant finished retelling what happened to the commissioner.

"A green pony with a talking bow stole a hat-shaped airship? That's incredulous, even for this place!"

"But sir, it's true! I have an eye witness right here!" She gestured to the brochure stand owner, whom she'd brought in.

"It's true! They went into the sewer to find an airship!" he said.

"Hmmm…. I'm still not sure…"

"How about this: If I bring them in, and they confess, you'll stop doubting me!"

"Alright, but if you can't get them, you'll be on probation for a month!"

"Deal!" they shook hooves, and Sergeant walked out of his office. "Now I just need to find them…"

She then overheard a radio bulletin over the radio on the desk next to her: "Breaking news! A green pony and her talking bow have just saved Bubblaine from a Ty-Foo, and are now on their way towards Flamburg!"

"Oh, wow! How convenient..."


	3. Chapter 3: Cooking Up Trouble

"And those are basically the basics!"

Ruby groaned, bored out of her mind. "Are we there yet?"

The ship jostled, and the engine stopped.

"I think that's a 'yes'."

They both stepped out of the ship, then immediately shielded their eyes.

"Woah, look at this place! It's so..."

"Bright?"

"I was going to say 'oversaturated, even for ponies', but that works too."

As they walked into town, they could smell all sorts of delicious scents, like rosemary and thyme perfectly stirred into a chicken broth.

"Doesn't that chicken smell delicious?" Bowlina asked.

"I'm actually an herbivore."

"Right, right."

They got into the town, where they saw many fork people going about their business.

"Hey, who's that?" Ruby pointed towards a house across the way, where a Panama-hatted Bonneter holding a clipboard was thanking someone.

"Again, many thanks for your time." He said, miming tipping a hat.

Bowlina recognized her brother instantly. "Pan!?"

Pan was surprised. "Bowlina! What are you doing here?!"

"I should ask you the same thing!"

"I was just going around the world to take a census."

"Wait, a census?" she gasped. "Did you finally get that job in the International Communications Division?!"

"I already told you that two months ago! Why, you even came with me on my first job!"

"Wait, what?!"

"You don't remember?"

"I don't! What happened?"

"Well, while we were in the Equine Kingdom taking a survey, you said you wanted to stay for a few months. I gave you my calling card so you could call me when you wanted to come back!"

Bowlina checked inside the folds of her bow; sure enough, there was the calling card. "How did this not fall out by now?"

She then started to remember. "Oh yeah! I'm starting to remember! I got drunk on some wine, told you I wanted to stay in the Equine Kingdom, and then I passed out!"

She turned to Ruby. "I think that's how I ended up with you!"

"If that's the case, then why didn't you wake up sooner?"

"I mean, I knew that Bonneters were stereotyped as having a harder time processing alcohol than most other species, but I thought it was just that: a stereotype!"

"Ugh!"

Bowlina turned to Pan. "Well, anyway, since you're here, maybe you could help us get home?"

"I'd love to, but I lost my ship back in the Equine Kingdom, and had to use a taxi to get here."

"Wait," Ruby interjected, "Was your ship named 'Homeward Bow-nd'?"

"Why, yes it was!"

They gestured to the ship.

"You guys found it?!"

"It was in the sewers!"

"How the heck did it get down there?"

"Probably poor writing…" Ruby said cynically.

"Pardon?"

"I wasn't talking to you."

Ruby then looked around, and realized that the forks were looking at her and Bowlina as though they were frightened of them.

"Why is everyone here so scared-looking?" She walked up to one of them, who was backing away. "Excuse me, sir? Why-"

"Don't hurt us, s'il vous plait! We already gave you our Crystalline Lighter; what more could you want?!"

"Wait, what? Crystalline Lighter?"

The fork looked confused. "You're not one of them?"

"One of who?"

"One of the rebels that just stole our Crystalline Lighter!"

"Oh, definitely not. We just came here to refuel our ship on Power Moons."

"Well, this really isn't a good time. Our Moons are shipped in from the nearest town by via a large bird, and the only way to direct him to us is using our special Flambéed Sirloin Steak. But without our Crystalline Lighter, we can't Flambé the meat."

Bowlina said, "Hey, let's see if we can't help them!"

"Well, alright..."

"If you're looking for the renegades, then ils sont là, in that cave across the sea."

"Let's go, then!" She turned to her brother. "Hey Pan, wanna come along, too?"

"Actually, I'm still not done surveying these people."

"Well, cap yourself!"

" 'Cap yourself'? Is that how you say 'suit yourself'?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Nothing…"

They then headed off towards the cave, but stopped when they saw that the sea was actually a sea of burning hot... pink lava?

Bowlina looked over and saw a lava bubble jumping in and out of the sea. "We should capture this Podoboo!"

"Is it alive?"

"I'm not actually sure... Look, it's the only way across... Whatever that sea is made of."

"Yeah, what is that stuff?"

"I think it's supposed to be pink lava?"

"It looks more like yogurt to me."

"I know, right?"

They both chuckled. Ruby captured the Podoboo. She shimmied around in the lava. "Woah, this actually feels really nice!"

"Liking the fireproof nature of the Podoboo?"

"Podoboo... What kind of name is that?"

"Not an official one, that's for sure. It's just what I like calling them."

"Why?"

"It's what my Dad always called them. He used to travel the world for his job, and he'd show me pictures he took of all the sights he saw and the wacky creatures he met."

"He sounds like a great guy!"

Ruby then started swimming towards the cave.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did they… you know, pass away?"

"Oh... Well, It happened last year..."

—

Homburg had just gotten back from a trip to the Sand Kingdom, when a bad thunderstorm began to roll in, bringing with it a flood warning. They were helping their neighbors prepare, when they heard lightning strike about mile away. They told the Bowlina and Pan to get inside, so they watched from the window as they tried to quickly finish helping.

Lightning struck a nearby tree, startling Homburg and causing him to drop a board onto his head, knocking him down. Sunny tried to help him up, while rainwater started to flood the street. The rainwater spilled onto the yard, surrounding them both.

And Bowlina looked away as lightning struck the water, electrocuting them both.

—

"The neighbor they were helping pulled them both into her house, but it was too late. They had been electrocuted, killed almost instantly."

"Wow, that's... I don't know what to say..."

"And now, I'm terrified any time electricity is anywhere NEAR water!"

"Oh... Well, if that ever affects our journey, I'll try to remember that."

They continued to sail on in an awkward silence, until they reached the shore.

"We're here!"

"Shhh! Not so loud!"

A voice from within the cave said, "Avez-vous entendu que? (Did you hear that?)"

"Hide!" They ducked behind a rock as two green stallions came out and looked around.

"Je pensais avoir entendu quelqu'un. (I thought I heard something.)"

"Eh bien, restez alerte. (Well, stay alert.)"

With one last glance around, they walked back into the cave.

"That was close!" Ruby whispered.

"I know. We need to be extra quiet if we wanna get back the Lighter."

"Okay."

The two started to sneak into the cave, hanging back in the shadows. They spotted the Lighter in the hooves of the biggest stallion of the three.

They both looked at each other, knowing what they had to do.

—

"Hey!" Ruby called out.

The three looked at the entrance to the cave, where they saw Ruby standing.

"La chercher! (Get her!)" Shouted the biggest one, who Ruby presumed to be the leader.

The two goons dashed towards Ruby, who led them out, while the leader hung back to protect the Lighter.

Ruby ran down the shoreline, where Bowlina was waiting for her. Ruby picked her up and captured a Podoboo. The two goons stopped, unsure of what was going on. Ruby puckered her lips, then spit flaming rocks at the goons. The rocks landed on their clothes, burning them. They retreated to their boat, but Ruby rammed into it, sinking it. She then spat at the cliffside, knocking rocks onto the goons and knocking them out.

Ruby uncaptured the Podoboo. "Are they alright?"

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll be fine."

They then went inside and faced the leader, who was bewildered that his goons were out. Ruby then told him that his boat was done for, so his only option was to surrender.

Not surprisingly, he didn't.

But surprisingly, Ruby knocked him unconscious fairly easily.

"Woah! Where'd you learn those moves?"

"I'm actually a gold belt in karate."

Bowlina nodded, then they both turned to the unconscious leader. A Multi-Moon appeared above him.

"And suddenly, a Multi-Moon." Ruby said. "So, how're we gonna get everything back?"

"Just grab the Multi-Moon, and it'll all sort itself out."

"How does that work?"

"I don't know, it just does."

Ruby touched it, it played the animation, and everything went white as it lifted her up…

And back into town. Ruby looked around. "Wow, you were right! The lighter's back in its place, and the criminals are in jail!"

A fork said, "And here comes the shipment of Moons, juste à temps!"

The giant bird came flying over a mountain, and with a mighty 'CA-CAW!", it dropped its payload of moons.

"Please take these Moons as a token of our appreciation!" The fork said.

"Thank you! You're all too kind!"

"Hey, Pan!" Bowlina called out to her brother, who had just finished surveying the citizens, "You wanna come along?"

"Sure! I've got no other way to get home, and I still need to finish the survey-taking!"

"Then let's set off!"

They then took off, Pan along for the ride.

After an hour or so, they were flying over a very Japan-reminiscent kingdom in a sea of colorful clouds.

Pan exclaimed, "Look at that! It's the Bowser Kingdom!"

Ruby and Bowlina looked at each other, recognizing the name.

"Pass."

"That means we'll have to try and find some moons in the Kingdom just east of here, the newly formed 'Shadow Kingdom'."

"What's there?"

"Since it's so new, there isn't much information on it, but from what I can gather, it's mostly surrounded a dark and gloomy forest."

"Sounds fun…"

—

Meanwhile, Officer Sergeant had just arrived in Flamburg.

"Sir!" She stopped a fork man. "Officer Sargent, IPF. Mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"Not at all, mon ami. What do you need to know?"

"Did a Green pony and a talking bow pass through here recently?"

"Oh, yeah! You just missed them! They were headed in that direction! Just follow the exhaust fumes, and you'll find them, aucun problème!"

"Thank you, sir."


	4. Chapter 4: Out of Alight

(Now back to our regularly scheduled programming)

The ship touched down in a very dark red-and-black land shaped like a triangle that was curving to one side.

"Well, let's get searching!" Bowlina said, and they all split up.

Ruby noticed a resident, a pumpkin-headed white-robed biped. She noticed something white in his bag. "Are those skulls in your bag?"

"Yeah, I was just about to stick them onto some stakes and plant them outside my blood-colored house."

"Oh great, we've landed in the Edgy Kingdom..."

Bowlina then spotted one lying in an alley. "There's a moon!" She went to grab it, but one of the residents took it first. "Hey! What's the big idea?"

"I'm sorry, but we're just following Lord C's orders."

"Lord C?" Ruby came over, not wanting to watch the guy with the skulls.

"Yeah, he's the ruler of this land. He makes us bring him moons, and in return, he spares our lives."

"What do you mean -"

The pumpkin-head suddenly jumped at something behind Ruby. She turned around and saw an origami-like robot chasing a girl.

"Wait! I was gonna give that to Lord C, I swear!" She cried out.

"Ariel Dean, you are guilty of harboring a moon illegally. Your punishment: immediate termination."

Ariel screamed, but she was cut off by the robot shooting out a laser beam that immediately turned her to ash.

"All others, get back to work." The robot left.

Bowlina looked at Ruby, who seemed traumatized. "Ruby, you alright?"

"I just watched someone get turned to ash...This really IS the Edgy Kingdom..."

"I'd best be getting back to work..." The guy said.

"What do we do now?" asked Pan, coming over.

"Why don't we pay a visit to this 'Lord C' character?" Bowlina suggested.

"Oh, that's a very bad idea," said the guy, "he doesn't take kindly to visitors."

"Well, what else are we supposed to do?" Bowlina asked.

Pan said, "We could always go back to the Bowser Kingdom -"

"NO!" Both Ruby and Bowlina shouted.

"Well then, we'll have to go meet with him."

"Fine…"

Bowlina went up to a resident. "Excuse me… where does Lord C live?"

"In the castle on the hill."

"Thank you."

"I wouldn't go there if I were you. Lord C is the most ruthless creature that has ever lived, and that's not an opinion!"

"But we at least need to try."

"Well, just know that when you die, I'll make sure to find a good place for your bones."

"I…. I'll keep that in mind…"

The three then began the trek to the castle.

When they got there, they hid outside the entrance.

"Alright, now here's the plan: we -"

"CHARGE!" Bowlina shouted, rushing in.

"Wait, no!" Pan said, then they all chased her in.

"YAAAAH! Lord C, your reign of terror ends now!"

They all yelped as a cage dropped from the ceiling, trapping them.

"Great job, Bowlina! You got us captured!"

"Well, there wasn't a big X on the floor, so I thought it was safe!"

"Do you even see the pattern of the carpet?!"

She looked, and it was a bunch of X's in a tiled pattern. "Oh… Whoopsie…"

The lights on the far end of the room turned on, revealing a cloaked stallion. "Well, well, well… If it isn't Ruby and Bowlina… and, a third one..."

"Lord C, is it?" Ruby said.

"How do you know most of our names?" Bowlina asked.

"I've heard a lot on those reports on the radio… You've had quite the long journey… but now, I'm going to put a stop to all that you've worked for… Just like you did to me all those years ago!"

"What are you talking about? We've never met you before, right, Bowlina?"

"Right!"

"Well, I suppose you might not recognize my new voice..." He then threw off his cloak, saying, "Dramatic reveal!"

Ruby gasped. "Comic!?"

"Who's Comic?"

"When I was fifteen years old, he wanted to be my boyfriend. He spent nearly all his money trying to impress me, but I turned him down."

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because he's a lunatic! The last time I saw him, he swore that he'd make me fall in love with him, then he ran off. But that was over seven years ago, and I never thought he was capable of this! If I did, I would've stopped that nutcase the first chance I got!"

"Who are you calling a nutcase?"

"You, you nutcase!"

"No, YOU'RE the nutcase! Who in their right mind would pass up all this?!" He gestured to his lanky and unmoisturized body.

"Eww…" They all said.

"I'll admit, I've let myself go just a bit…"

" 'Just a bit'? You look like a walking, talking, rotten raisin!"

He growled, then breathed to calm himself.

"Now, I suppose you're wondering what I plan on doing with you…"

"Not really…"

"I'm so glad you asked!"

"See what I mean?"

"I'm collecting Power Moons to power a machine I built!" He pulled a lever, and the machine raised from a hatch in the floor. "I call it The Love-Is-In-The-Air-Inator!"

Pan said, "Really? An 'Inator'? That's really cliché!"

"Quiet, you!"

He then started a monologue: "My original plan was to aim it at a satellite so it bounced off and hit you at your house, but now you've come right to me! Once I fire this laser, you'll fall hopelessly in love with me!" He laughed maniacally, then stopped. "Well, as soon as I get the last Moon I need to power it up."

The robot that had killed Ariel came in, holding a moon "Your Excellency, I have found a Power Moon that one of the citizens was hiding."

"Perfect timing! You get a promotion! Meet me in ten minutes so we can discuss the terms."

"Thank you, Your Excellency." He bowed and left.

"Well, at least he's appreciative of his employees." Pan acknowledged.

"Now, I just need to put this in here, and wait for it to finish charging..." The machine dinged. "Finally! Now, behold as you become hopelessly attracted to me!"

He aimed the laser at Ruby and fired it, but Bowlina intercepted it with a mirror.

"What?!"

Then the mirror started talking: "Comic! I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I think I'm in love with you!"

"What the hell!?" He was disgusted.

Bowlina looked at the mirror. "Okay, that is not what I had in mind, but alrighty… Sic 'em, girl!" She set the mirror loose, and it started to chase him.

Bowlina then captured the cage and opened it.

"How did you get out?" Ruby asked.

"Well, it's obviously because I always keep a lockpick up my -"

Ruby was looking at her with confusion at her sarcasm.

"It's because I'm a ghost!"

"Oh, well, duh..."

Comic was now fending off the mirror. "Guards! Seize them!"

The robots then surrounded them.

"We're surrounded!"

Bowlina looked around, spotting a Pokio nearby. "Quick! Capture that conveniently placed Pokio!"

"What? No! I already said —"

"This really isn't the best time for a morality discussion! Just capture the darn bird!"

"I said no!"

"Okay, if you won't do that..."

Bowlina and Pan tried to fight, but the guards were too well-built. Ruby couldn't even dent them.

So they ran.

The guards started to chase after them, but Comic halted them, as he was getting a call.

The three made it back to the ship, panting.

"You nearly got us killed!" Shouted Bowlina, "And all because you wouldn't capture that Pokio!"

"I told you, I'll never take over anything living! That's just messed up!" "Wait a second, are you able to take over me?!"

"No!" She faltered for a second. "Well, yes, but I'd never do it!"

"And I'm not the only one who's to blame for all this! Your only concern is getting home; you'll barely give any time to anything that doesn't concern that!"

"That's not true!"

"Oh really? Then what's my name?"

"It's… Erm… Rose?"

"Ruby."

"Well, how was I supposed to know? You never told it to me!"

"I'm pretty sure I, or any of the other characters to address me by name, did! And even without that, my point still stands! You threw us right into that trap, and you're so focused on getting yourself home that you aren't concerned at all that I'll never be able to go back to mine!"

"Didn't I say you could move in with me?"

"You uprooted my entire life to the point where I can't even enter the COUNTRY without being arrested on the spot! Why the HELL would I want to have ANYTHING to do with you!?"

Bowlina gasped, tears now coming out of her eyes. "Fine! I can get home without you! Pan, come with me!"

"I'm sorry, Bowlina, but I'm gonna have to side with Ruby on this one..."

Bowlina looked at him, shocked, then sniffed. "Fine! Who needs any of you?!"

She then boarded the ship, and took off.

"What'll we do now?" Pan asked Ruby.

"The only thing we can do..."

—

And so Bowlina went off on her own, crying as she sailed away from the pony she'd called a friend. Ruby then waited until Officer Sergeant caught up with her in her hot air balloon, and she was taken into custody.


	5. Chapter 5: Trapped

Bowlina was now running on fumes as she pushed the ship to its absolute limit.

"Come on... You can make it!"

Thunder rumbled nearby. She looked up and saw a dark cumulonimbus cloud ahead of her. "A storm?"

Then she gasped, remembering that moment.

"No, no, no, NO! Turn!" She tried futilely to steer the ship away, but it was useless; the ship was caught in the wind, and she was thrown back in the cabin, going unconscious.

—

Bowlina groaned as she got up. "I - I'm alive? Yes!" She then saw that the ship was absolutely devastated. "Oh no! The ship's broken!"

She phased out the door. "Where did I land?"

She looked around. "A beach made out of ice cream, a broken sign that says 'I've got this' next to a crater, and a piece of paper that says 'Visual Gag'..."

She then realized: "Oh great, it's the land of overused jokes..."

She then heard a noise in the bushes. "Wait, what's that?"

She crept up to it, and found a very small and cute kitten. "Aww, it's so - wait a second, I know what this is. Don't give me that look! I know what you are!"

The kitten looked confused.

"Don't play dumb with me! You'll start off looking cute, then you'll suddenly transform into some terrifying beast with razor-sharp teeth, blood-colored eyes, and who knows how many more atrocious features!"

The kitten now looked like it was trying to get her attention.

"WHAT?"

She felt warm breathing down her back. She looked up at the eyes of a ferocious beast with bloodshot eyes.

"Oh. I really should've seen that coming..."

And thus, the chase was on.

—

Ruby was now hooked up to a lie detector.

"So... I'm going to ask you a few questions, and you're going to answer honestly." Sergeant said.

"Alright."

"First, some questions to calibrate the lie detector. Answer this dishonestly: What is your name?"

"Harriet Johnson"

*machine whirrs*

"Alright... Now answer this honestly: What color is my fur?"

"A light lavender, I think? Maybe lilac? It's hard to tell in this lighting."

*machine continues whirring*

"Okay, now on to the real questions. Why did you punch me in the eye?"

"I was panicking because the ship wouldn't stop its take-off, and you were getting grabby. I regretted doing it from the start."

*more whirring*

"Alright... Why did you go down into the sewers?"

"To find the airship so I could help Bowlina get home."

*you already know what I'm gonna say.*

"Okay... and how would you describe your relationship with this 'Bowlina'?"

"We weren't exactly friends, but we were helping each other. That is, until we had a falling-out. Now, I wouldn't be upset if I never saw her again."

*whirring*

"You're lying."

"What? I'm telling the truth! At least, I think I am!"

"The machine says otherwise, bucko."

"Does that mean that I'm lying to myself? That deep down inside, I know she's doing the best she can in this stressful situation, and… and that I wasn't completely in the right for throwing all the blame at her?"

"I guess it does."

"I really messed up, didn't I?"

"Well, you're gonna have a while to think about that when you're behind bars." She then adeed, "Well, after due process"

Sergeant then started to fill in some paperwork. Ruby sat back, but heard a distant rumble. "What was that?"

"I didn't hear anything."

The rumbling grew louder.

Then she realized that it was coming from the wall right behind Sergeant.

"Watch out!" she shouted, diving over and pulling her out of the way as the wall fell over onto where she'd just been.

Sergeant looked at the wall, then at Ruby. "You saved me?"

"Well, I couldn't just let you die..."

They then looked at the wall, where a familiar face appeared.

"Well, well, well! We meet again!"

"Comic! What the heck, dude?!"

"I was just thinking, and I finally realized: I'm never going to get your love!"

"Finally!" Ruby felt relieved.

"And then I thought, 'If I can't have her, then NOBODY CAN'."

"Ha! You and what army?"

"This one."

The renegades from Flamburg came out from the other side of the wall.

"The renegades from Flamburg?!"

"They used their one phone call to contact me, and they agreed to help me, as long as I broke them out!"

"Obtenez-la! Et son ami flic, aussi! (Get her! And her cop friend, too!)"

"Run!" Ruby screamed, and they bolted out the door and into the hall.

"What's up with these guys?!" Sergeant asked.

"Comic didn't get a date with me and hates me for it, and the renegades are seeking revenge after we threw them in jail."

"Oh."

"We need the upper hoof, but how? Don't you have a gun?"

"No, because this is a kids' show. Even if I did, I have no fingers to pull the trigger with."

"Wait a second, where's Pan?"

"He's in holding cell B."

They ran to the cell block, where he was practicing harmonica. "Ruby? Cop lady? What's going on?"

"The enemies we stopped have come back for revenge, and I need your help!" Sergeant began to search through her keys. "Hurry!"

"I'm going as quickly as I can! It's really hard to search through a set of keys with hooves!"

"Uh, girls?"

They looked up and saw that he'd phased out of the cell.

"Oh right, he's a ghost…"

They then exited the building, the baddies a bit behind them (as they went the long way around the building to avoid any security checks).

"Alright, what's the plan?" Pan asked.

"Are there any animals nearby?" Ruby asked Sergeant.

She thought for a moment. "The zoo!"

"To the zoo!"

Pan asked, "Wait, are you gonna -?"

"Yes."

"But what about your morals?"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures."

They arrived at the zoo.

"What's the nearest open exhibit?" Ruby asked

"The Pokio exhibit!"

"Pokios… how fitting."

They reached the exhibit. Ruby took Pan in her hoof and eyed a particularly cute one.

"Sorry about this..."

She threw him.

She opened her eyes and felt out her new body. "Wow! This feels amazing! And look at how cute I am!"

"Uh, Ruby?" Pan interrupted her.

"Oh, right."

—

The four baddies arrived at the zoo.

"Where'd she go?"

"Right here!"

"You turned yourself into a bird?" "*laughs* And you guys thought me making an inator was ridiculous!"

"This bird may look cute, but she packs a mean peck!"

She pecked the ground and slingshotted herself into the renegades, knocking them over. She then extended her beak and spun around, sending everyone flying back. Sergeant even got in on the fight, incapacitating Comic and radioing for backup.

"Battre en retraite! (Retreat!)"

"Wait! Where do you think you're going!?" Comic shouted after them.

"Nous ne nous sommes pas inscrits pour cela! (We did NOT sign up for this!)"

"This isn't over, Ruby! I'll be back someday! You'll see!" Comic screamed as Sergeant's backup arrested him.

"Now let's find Bowlina!" Ruby exclaimed.

"How'll we do that? We don't have a vehicle!" Pan asked.

"Actually…" Sergeant began.


	6. Chapter 6: Home

A few hours later...

Bowlina was sitting in a cave etching words on a wall:

"Day 27 - I think. I no longer have the ability to tell. I've been in this cave the whole time, hiding from the monster. No sun, no friends; I think I'm starting to go insane! It was cold in here, so I made a makeshift dress out of leaves and vines. Why yes, I did do a good job on it, didn't I? I'm thinking of becoming a seamstress! Wouldn't that be great?"

Bowlina started to laugh, which morphed into crying. She threw down her tool. "I wish I wasn't such an idiot! I should never have taken Ruby for granted like that!"

Bowlina turned her head. "Wait, what's that noise?"

It was Ruby, Pan, and Sergeant flying over in Sergeant's hot air balloon!

"There it is!" Ruby pointed to the wreckage of the Homeward Bow.

They landed the balloon, and Ruby got out. "Bowlina! Where are you?"

"Ruby!" Bowlina called out, rushing towards her. They then hugged in the most cliché way possible: the slow-mo reunion on the beach hug.

"There you are! And — Wow, I love your dress!"

"I thought you never wanted to see me again!"

"I realized I was wrong. I know your heart was in the right place, and you weren't the only one to blame for that disaster in the Shadow Kingdo-"

They were interrupted by the horrifying shrieks of a monster.

"What was that?"

"Make up later! We need to get out of here right now!"

The creature shrieked again. It appeared from the other side of a hill, and spotted them.

"What in the name of Celestia is that thing!?"

"I don't know, but I know it's going to kill us if we don't get the ship repaired!"

The monster began to run at them, but lost its footing on the hill and stumbled.

"There's no time! Get into our hot air balloon!"

The creature was now getting up again

"No! We can't leave the Homeward Bow!"

"We have to! It's the only way"

Bowlina looked at her, then the ship, and then the monster.

And she got into the balloon.

The monster roared as its prey got away.

"Goodbye, old friend." Bowlina said solemnly.

"Uh, Bowlina? It's just a ship."

"I know, but still… We had some good memories in there."

"We only had it for, like, less than thirteen hours."

"Just let me feel sad for it!"

Ruby backed off to let her mourn.

"So, where to?" Sergeant asked.

"What the?!" Bowlina jumped. "What's Officer Sargent doing here?"

"Relax, Bowlina, she's not gonna try and arrest us. At least, I don't think she is… Are you?"

"Well, you did save my life earlier… I guess I could drop the charges."

"Thank you!" Said Ruby

"You know what that means? You can go back to your home now!" Bowlina exclaimed.

Ruby then became less excited. "Great…"

"I'll ask again: where are we headed?"

"To the Cap Kingdom!"

—

After a few hours, they spotted it.

"There it is! My home!"

"We finally made it!"

They landed the balloon in a small field just outside of town.

"Where is he?" she searched around for her friend, eventually spotting him in the town. "There he is! Cappy!"

Cappy looked as she hugged him. "Hey, ⍅ Bowlina! Why are you hugging me like that?"

Bowlina backed off for a moment. "Didn't you notice that I was gone?"

"Actually, I haven't been here in a while, myself!"

"Why not?"

"Didn't you hear? I've been traveling with a new friend!" he turned to a character who was out of Ruby's sight. "Say hi!"

"Hello! It's-a me, Mario!"

Ruby was absolutely stunned.

"We were actually just about to go to that new kingdom across the ocean. You want to join?"

"Actually, I've had enough adventure for the month. I'm just going to stay here."

"Well, cap yourself! Come on, Mario, let's go."

"Okie-dokie!"

"Did we just meet Mario?!"

"Is that really a shock to you at this point?"

Ruby shrugged.

—

After a quick tour of the town (ending at Bowlina's house), Ruby realized that it was getting late. "Well, I guess this is goodbye..."

"Do you have to leave so soon?"

"I want to stay, but I need to get back to Ponyville. My entire life is still there. Plus, I have a sandwich I was wanting to eat before it went bad."

"Well, here's a little something to remember me by." Bowlina pulled a decorative sun hat from her closet.

"A sunhat?!"

"Don't worry, I made sure nobody's hiding in it."

They both laughed.

"Well, I'll see you around..."

Bowlina waved goodbye to Ruby as she got into the balloon.

As it took off, Sergeant noticed that Ruby wasn't looking too perky. "Cheer up, Ruby! You're going home, back to your life!"

"Well, at least I'll always have memories..."

"Go to her."

"Huh?" Ruby looked at her.

"You liked adventuring with Bowlina, right?"

"Well, yes..."

"Then why should you end it?"

Ruby thought about it for a moment, before a gust of wind blew one of the flowers from her hat, landing beside Bowlina.

"We're really striving for the Tarzan ending, aren't we?"

"The what?"

"Oh, nevermind."

Ruby grabbed a loose rope and used it to climb back down.

"Ruby? What're you doing?! That's your only way home!"

"I realised something, Bowlina: My house may be in Ponyville, but I've never felt more at home than when I'm with you."

"You want to stay?!"

"Yep."

Bowlina started to cry, and they both hugged.

They then heard Sergeant call out, "Oh, and one other thing: You two should get a mailbox!"

"Why do you say that?"

"I just got a call from one of your hundreds of fans, asking how they can send you questions!"

"Oh… tell them that as soon as we get a new ship, we'll have a mailbox ready for their letters!"

"But Ruby! How are we gonna get a new ship?"

"We could get jobs. What are you good at?"

Bowlina gasped.

—

A week later…

It was the grand opening of Ruby & Bowlina's Dress Emporium, and business was fairly busy.

"Thank you, and come again!" Bowlina said, putting the coins into the cash register.

They looked at their earnings. "This may take a while…"

"But regardless, I'm glad I'm doing it with you."

And they hugged happily ever after.

 _ **Fin**_


End file.
